


CATS (Corran and the Squadron)

by schnoodle



Category: Cats (2019), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: X-Wing Series - Aaron Allston & Michael Stackpole
Genre: (but none of the wraiths bc i'm just mean i guess), Cats (2019) - Freeform, Crack, LOOK I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE I HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE TRAILER I JUST KNOW CORRAN WOULD LOVE IT, Rogue Squadron (Star Wars), also this could maybe be read as an au where emtrey is the spy i guess???, bc he wants chaos from the cats trailer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 19:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20102719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schnoodle/pseuds/schnoodle
Summary: Corran Horn is a furry and would be really into Cats (2019) so I wrote this, having absolutely no actual knowledge of Cats (2019). It's currently 1:30 AM and I'm very tired so it's not my best work but I'm pretty happy with how weird it is.





	CATS (Corran and the Squadron)

Emtrey, just having finished his daily morning scrounge of the HoloNet, winked. He held a datapad in one metal hand, and would have pocketed it had he been wearing any clothes. Turning his clamshell head across the room to stare directly into the photoreceptor of Corran Horn's green-and-white astromech droid, Whistler, he winked again. Whistler acknowledged this second wink with a shrill beep at a frequency above what a human could hear, as to not attract Corran's attention before the plan was complete. Ooryl, being a Gand and therefore possessing many special powers such as the ability to hear Whistler's beep, looked up from his spoatmeal, but decided it was far too early even for someone of his many talents to deal with anything involving his wingmate. 

Corran, of course, remained oblivious to everything as Whistler rolled towards Emtrey. He was probably staring across the room at Erisi Dlarit or Mirax Terrik or any other slender woman who happened to be in the general vicinity at the time. Erisi, or maybe Mirax, flipped her hair. Whistler didn't really care. He continued rolling at a steady pace towards Emtrey, and started beeping excitedly when he arrived. "Yes, I've found it," replied Emtrey. Whistler greedily extended an appendage that gripped the datapad Emtrey was holding. Emtrey gratefully released the datapad, his eyes glowing brighter with apparent excitement that the plan would continue. Until one briefly sputtered out, that is. 

Whistler, package in hand, rolled back towards Corran. He was using racing speeds now, as his message was an urgent one. Picking up more and more speed, his treads squealed as he attempted to roll to a stop before slamming against Corran, sending the ever-so-precious datapad tumbling across the table into Ooryl's spoatmeal. Ooryl, if he breathed, probably would have sighed. Seeing as he didn't breathe, however, he merely made a distasteful expression and plucked the datapad from his spoatmeal. "Qrygg is wondering what he did to deserve this," Ooryl announced to the cafeteria. Whistler beeped a raspberry at him, grasping for the datapad once more. He beeped again, this time signifying _It's important_. 

Whistler extended the spoatmeal-covered datapad to Corran, who graciously wiped it on his flightsuit. Satisfied with its cleanliness, Whistler extended another appendage to press a button on the datapad. A holo appeared above it. "Is that... a Bothan?" asked Rhysati Ynr. 

"If that's a Bothan then I'm a human," murmured Nawara Ven, twitching his right brain-tail, the one that wasn't resting on Rhysati's shoulder. 

"Well whatever it is, it's naked," pointed out Corran. The being in the holo was indeed not wearing anything except a pair of stiletto heels, footwear odd for a cat. He was the type of person to bring attention to these things when others wanted to put effort into ignoring them. His remark earned him a dirty look and an elbow in the side from Iella Wessiri. "Although," he continued, pretending as if Iella had done nothing, "it _is_ covered in fur..." Iella jabbed his side again. 

"So am I, you—" Asyr Sei'lar punctuated this sentence with what could only be a curse in Bothese, "—and I wear clothes. We _all_ do." She gestured to Riv Shiel, then circled her hand around the table to indicate the entire squadron.

Whistler let out a series of loud beeps before the arguing could continue. He wanted people to shut up, and watch the holo. The current image projected above the datapad depicted a humanoid feline being who appeared to be participating in a musical number. This particular cat was male, and therefore clothed. "Why does that one get clothes?" asked Mirax, who had since wandered over from her table with Wedge Antilles to see what the commotion was about. The squadron commander had not followed her, and was eating his breakfast—spoatmeal and eggs—alone in a dark corner. 

"Maybe he was cold?" suggested Corran, who was promptly elbowed in the side by Iella, _again_. "Hey! I didn't do anything that time." Literally everyone around the table—except Bror Jace—gave him judgmental looks of varying degrees. Whistler blew an electronic raspberry at him. 

"Corran," began Lujayne Forge, miraculously alive, as she laid a hand on his shoulder. "You are so, _so_ dumb—" 

"Qrygg agrees," interjected Ooryl before Lujayne could continue.

Lujayne acknowledged this contribution with a nod before continuing. "That cat, the one who is wearing clothes, is wearing clothes because he's a man. The naked cats, on the other hand, are all women because the galaxy is generally terrible about that sort of thing, especially in regards to non-humans such as Twi'leks, and apparently humanoid cats." 

"Technically," said Corran, seeking to dig himself into a deeper hole, "he's a cat too. They're all cats. And there's nothing gendered about a sexy cat. That being said, there was this one time where—" 

"Corran. For once in your life, _don't_ tell the Chertyl Ruluwoor story now. It's not the time," said Iella sternly. 

Whistler was, once more, trying to get the squadron's attention back on the holo. Young Gavin Darklighter was the only one not paying attention to the bickering of his squadmates, instead transfixed by the singing and dancing cats shown in the holo. Whistler let out a shrill squeal, attracting the attention of even the farthest diners. Wedge Antilles stood up, prepared to reprimand the members of Rogue Squadron. He started walking towards their table, unbeknownst to those seated at the table. Whistler's squeal once again quieted those watching the holo, and they focused once again as the cast list began to show. 

"Tetran Cowall _and_ Face Loran? Together? In the same movie?" Pash Cracken's eyebrows were raised, his face clearly showing his surprise. "I thought they hated each other." 

Across the table, Bror Jace looked as if he wanted to ask why exactly Pash Cracken of all people kept up to date on the latest drama in the lives of popular holo-stars, but was interrupted when Whistler beeped an affirmative. The droid was drowned out by Erisi taking the chance to gossip. "Oh, yes, but I heard that this particular holo has just the most _lucrative_ budget—Imperial propaganda, you know—and neither wanted to pass it up." 

"Imperial propaganda? About sexy cats?" Aril Nunb chittered. "Absolutely ridiculous." Corran, of course, raised an eyebrow at the Sullustan woman. 

"Corran Horn, if you go to the Empire because they have a movie about sexy cat people, you are absolutely despicable."

The man in question merely shrugged at Mirax, who had sent the accusation his way. "Whistler, play that trailer again, will you?" The droid obliged with a happy beep that was soon replaced by loud barking from Riv Shiel.

It was at that moment, of course, that Wedge Antilles arrived at the table. The music in the trailer swelled as the commander began to reprimand his squadron. "I don't know whose idea it was to spend the morning watching trashy holodramas, but—" It was then that Wedge actually looked closely at the holo. "Is that my _sister_?!" 

Across the room, Emtrey winked. Corran Horn had been successfully introduced to the horrors of the upcoming holodrama _Cats_, and the chaos bound to ensue would be absolutely delightful.


End file.
